Commentary Make Up Points

UPDATE: This is more work than six points are worth. Just do two paragraphs with full analysis for your 6 points. No conclusion.

6 points possible added to commentary score (not guaranteed just because you did it - I want to see you really analyzing)
Due Wednesday, May 19
It is okay to get help from each other. You may even choose to use this post to leave comments asking questions about parts you don't understand and encourage your peers to read the comments and offers possible interpretations in their own comment.
No introduction but you will have a conclusion that includes your thesis statement.
Each paragraph will following the pattern included below. Depending on the amount you take on in each paragraph you will probably have between 4 and 7 paragraphs.
1. "Patterns lead to exertions" - identify a pattern and then identify the effect of that pattern (1 to 2 sentence)
2. Context and/or summary - this is not necessarily summary, it simply orients the reader to 'the what' so that you can talk about 'the why'(can be included in the sentence with quote - no more than 1 sentence)
3. Quote (this may be one word or several words from different lines or an entire line or two)
4. Identify the pattern - if you said there was a simile, reveal exactly what two things are being compared (this can be included in the sentence with your quote or at the start of your analysis but probably won't be more than 1 sentence)
5. Analysis (probably 2 to 5 sentences)
Please note that for many patterns you may be quoting multiple examples. This means your paragraph might look like this:
1.2.3.4.3.4.5.
or
1.2.3.4.2.3.4.5
or
1.2.3.4.5.2.3.4.5.5. (you would need an additional 5 for this one to tie your two pieces together)
or
1.2.3.4.5.3.4.5.5
or
1.2.3.4.5.3.4.5.3.4.5.3.4.5.3.4.5.5
or
you get the idea
Pablo Neruda uses parallel structure in "XV" to convey a sense of security that exists in consistency and predictability. In a poem the deals with the inconsistency of relationships, this security and consistency offers the speaker a controlled point from which to describe the uncontrollable relationship around him. In the fourth stanza Neruda describes the silence of the woman he is addressing as "bright as a lamp, simple as a ring" (14). Parallel structure is created by repeating both the structure of the sentence as a simile and in an even more controlled and deliberately manipulated way, he repeats the parts of speech perfectly along with the phrase "as a" Similarly he directly addresses the woman with the repeated phrase, "I like for you to be still" at the start of three of the five stanzas. These repeated phrase that occur throughout the poem create a parallel structure that unites the whole of the text. By using parallel structure, both with repeated sentence structures as well as lines that repeat through the poem, Neruda shows absolute control over his language. Because the language is so controlled and contains such strict language patterns, it influences the content and makes our speaker appear to be in more control than he actually is. The speaker is a addressing a woman who has made decisions outside of his control. This, however, is overshadowed by the feeling of control created by the parallel structure. Our perception of the speaker is thus influenced and we perceive him as in desperate need of control, artificial though it may be, which provides the security for him that his relationship does not.

Issues with the above paragraph that would need to be addressed in revision:
1. Does not work from top of the poem to bottom
2. Does not deal with the content of the lines quoted